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Coffee 1:39 Tue Feb 26
The darkness of a man's mind

A couple of days ago, a friend took his own life. He was going through a messy divorce.

He had somehow acquired a large quantity of liquid tranquilisers, which he injected into a drip bag. He had enough medical knowledge to insert a cannula into a blood vessel. He sat down and let it flow. I hope it didn't take long.

He was a normal, decent, likable fellow who was fun to be with. He had a good job and many friends. For reasons known to him only, he decided this was his best option. It wasn't a spur of the moment decision.

Some say suicide is cowardice. I don't agree. It's a lot of things, but I don't think cowardice is one of them. Some might say that it takes courage to go through with it.

It leaves several painful questions. Most are of the why variety, but one at least asks what went through his mind in the lead-up to the act?

Reason for posting this. If you ever consider that suicide is an option for you, please exhaust all possibilities before you go far down that road. If you've got one or more good friends, speak to them. Chances are they'll understand and be there for you.

If you don't feel that's an option, talk in confidence to The Samaritans. That's what they're there for. They're special human beings, compassionate and trained to listen for as long as you want to talk, while not being judgmental or shocked by what they hear.

Northern Sold 1:50 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Get a dog... certainly helped me... Oh and sorry about your friend coffee...

ChillTheKeel 1:59 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

I used to think suicide was cowardliness until I realised I'd be too gutless to do it myself,

The trouble is, it's tough gong conviving people to carry on living in this seriously fucked up modern world.

Oh and get a cat.

Darby_ 2:00 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

I'm always surprised that people do this. I've gone through some tough times, but even at the worst times, I've thought that life could change for the better, and so it has.

alfs barnet 2:05 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

So sorry to hear about your friend Coffee.

My brother was a very popular, likeable bloke. Last January he dismantled the exhaust manifold in his truck, wiring a hosepipe up through a hole he had drilled in the dashboard. He was found dead 3 days later.
The repercussions within his small family were massive - anyone who has experienced a suicide of a close relative will know the pain and stress the process of identifying of the body through to the inquest can cause. My mother was heavily affected by this, and I do not believe that it is a coincidence that she is now suffering with stage 4 cancer throughout her body.

I've never once thought about using the word 'selfish' where he was concerned - as far as I can tell he'd just had enough and could see no way out. If he'd spoken to me, my mum or my stepdad I'm pretty sure any of us could have helped him to see some light at the end of the tunnel. As it stands now, he has left a little girl behind who is coming to terms with the loss of her father and will shortly have to come to terms with the loss of her grandmother.

As far as the Samaritans goes, I think there are more appropriate charities out there - the Samaritans are trained not to try to talk people out of suicide. Ironically, my mother used to do the Samaritans and left for that exact reason (before her son's suicide).

Block 2:06 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

I used to think it was cowardice, until I almost done it myself.

When you cant see any way out, constantly miserable it's often the easiest way out.

So sorry to hear about your friend, Coffee son.

Coffee 2:12 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

alfs barnet 2:05 Tue Feb 26

Sad to read that, for you and your mum and family.

Reason for mentioning the Samaritans is that my mum was also one, for about 30 years, and I've always had a very positive impression of them. Be interested to know about other such services.

ironsofcanada 2:12 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Appreciate WHO threads like this.

Help can sometimes come from the strangest places and people considering things like this have often, rightly or wrongly, stopped believing those closest to them.

alfs barnet 2:13 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

I found CALM to be very helpful, but my residues was obviously as a relative after the event.

Block 2:16 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

I regularly spoke to Samaritans, Fantastic charity - They don't have to be qualified in my opinion just having someone who you don't know and won't judge you to talk to helps so much.

However, for me personally go get to that point I had to literally be on the verge of doing something very stupid, looking back I'm quite embarrassed by it all.

Suicide rates in men are unfortunately on the rise due to there still being this masculine culture that men can't be open about how they feel.

Pee Wee 2:17 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

I too used to think it was selfish - and of course it is in the literal sense of the word, but can't imagine how low someone has to feel to think this is their only option.


I think the rise in awareness of mental health has made me be more aware of treating people with kindness. You never know what people are going through so a kind word or deed could go a long way to brightening someones days

Westham67 2:21 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Sorry to hear that mate thats not good anyone who call that selfish has no idea about mental illness

My mate gassed himself in his old mans motor on his 19th birthday 4/11/85 a lot of people were heavily into speed at that time and no one really knows why he did it

We fell out before he died but I went to school with him since infant school (As it was called) 4 years old tragic

Chigwell 3:26 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Suicide can be a brave and rational act. A friend whose career in journalism had been adventurous and at times dangerous was diagnosed with Parkinson's in his late fifties. He hung on in his job until he could claim redundancy which would be a lump sum payout rather than a medical pension. Very soon after he threw himself off a bridge. He knew that his wife would inherit the money and that she would not have to look after him through his increasingly debilitating disease.

Takashi Miike 3:28 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

have often thought about it, so far have been too cowardly to do anything about those thoughts

Grumpster 3:36 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

The reason people call it selfish is generally because the people who do it are happily dead, where as everyone else has to deal with it and pick up the pieces. Takes balls though.

My friend jumped under a train at Barking around 4 years ago.

We were all texting him asking him where he was as we had our xmas get together, not knowing he had died that morning.

Was a Sheikh and the funeral was bloody awful with about 500 people all crammed into a crematorium with loads pawing at his coffin wailing.

cup of tea 3:40 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Suffered with anxiety and depression for a number of years. Often thought about ending it but I am too gutless if that is the right word. Having been through and still to a degree going through many life events such as parents ill health, redundancy, housing problems, my own health, financial problems I saw no way out and said to many people I am just a burden on people so why continue with this miserable life?

I still have bad days but living near to the coast and adjusting my work (part time) I have been going on long walks, simply sitting chatting to people having a coffee and just being OUT helps a lot. Of course there are varying degrees of helplessness but there is help out there albeit hard to find sometimes.

Luckily I have been very open with my mental health so that helped but some people cannot talk about it which is a shame.

Sorry to hear these horrid things coffee, alfs etc.

ohgodno 4:16 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Chigwell 3:26 Tue Feb 26

Somebody had to clean the bits of his corpse off the road. Chances are somebody found it without expecting it as well.

Fuck him.

Telford Iron 4:39 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Next door neighbour drove 30 miles to a shopping precinct and hung himself on the railings - he was 29 yrs old and has 2 young kids who were told he'd died in a car crash.
He was also involved in a messy divorce and his wife was seeing another bloke , he was also being investigated by the police for theft from the MOD.
Ironic thing is his wife got all his pension and has been spending on holidays and piss-ups for her and her new fella.
Also through my job I have attended more than my fair share of suicides, the most recent one happening about a month ago where the chap was driving whilst on the phone to his estranged wife and suddenly accelerated into the path of an oncoming HGV with such force that we had to scrape what was left of him from the engine of the HGV.

Russ of the BML 6:20 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Bloody hell. That was a tough read. Sorry to hear such a sad story.

Mr Anon 6:30 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Grumpster 3:36 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

"The reason people call it selfish is generally because the people who do it are happily dead, where as everyone else has to deal with it and pick up the pieces"


You're applying logic to it though, they're thinking everyone else will be better off without them

Vexed 6:51 Tue Feb 26
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Sorry about your mate Coffee. Some serious thought had gone into the way he did it, sounds like a less horrific way to go than some of the alternatives.

I also have had an old friend top himself in the last few months, had kids and everything which still makes him a massive cunt in my book. What sort of shithouse does that to their kids? Here's an idea: put your shit right instead of heaping your problems onto some other cunt. Yeah I know this will be unpopular with the weak willed fairies of WHO and don't fucking care either.

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